Their People Just Like Us

The other day I took a visit to the homeless shelter it turned out to be much different than I expected honestly if I didn't have my friend with me I might have felt a bit uncomfortable. It's not that I fear the people there in fact I respect them, it was just the fact that there seemed to be so many drugs that it made me nervous. I was only there for a couple hours and it did give me a glimpse of whats really going on in our community of Santa Cruz. Yet not all the people there are doing drugs there are some who really do go out and play music to support themselves and I have the upper most respect for that. My father actually calls himself a Hobo as he would say to me "Wherever I lay my head is home" I guess what i could say is the next time you walk past a sign saying Help and extra change or anything give them what you can cause you'll never know how much they really need it.

The Oceans Heartbeat

Him and I were sitting on our skateboards in a cave I never knew existed. It's walls must have held some precious memories with all it's random carvings surrounding us. We leaned against the wall his arm around me, for the first time I felt a moment become something special that I'll always remember. The sand was between our toes, our heads leaning against each other listening the oceans heartbeat "thump" as it hit holes in the rocks. Outside we could see a swarm of birds in the distance it seemed to be never ending, but memorizing we even had our own little bird that stuck around that we called Peet he was a funny bird cause as he walked along the sand it looked as if he was twirking and we couldn't help but laugh. As time went by the waves continued to get larger and got closer to the mouth of the cave so we decided it was probably a good idea to get out of there.

Empty Memories

Sometimes after heartbreak we find ourselves repeating "I'll never fall for someone like them again". I thought this line over an over trying to convince myself that I didn't mind being alone and that I enjoyed my own company. Sure old memories would haunt me all the time like the sound of his old car driving up my street or the cuddle seats in the movie theater, even the parking lot at my school reminds me of when all our friends would sit in his car and just hang out at lunch. Even four months later I walk around and things will make me think of him, yet now it's different, it's like all those memories that would cause me pain are now empty I see them and they mean nothing it's as if all that emotion I carried around in my heart has bleed out and remains a carcass that has been buried deep inside my brain to the point that I can no longer reach it.

   

I want You Here

It struck me today that sometimes we get so caught up in our own drama that we don't see what's really going on in other peoples lives. Last night I was scrolling through the new feed on my Facebook when I came across a post saying how much my friend would love it if her mom would just walk through the door once more. I didn't understand what the whole point of it was until I looked on her wall and saw that her mom had died a month ago honestly I felt terrible I was so clouded by things going on in my life that I never knew and she was one of my best friends from when I was in third grade. It was a huge eye opener that we really need to look out for each other cause if we don't we'll never truly understand why that person is the way they are. All it would have taken was a simple phone call a month earlier before the event to patch up our friendship before it happened maybe then I could have helped her through her tears. Even though I'm hundreds of miles away from Colorado were still in each others hearts cause that's what best friends so they look out for each other and hold hands because deep down we are all connected not only physically but emotionally even if you don't talk for a while there are those memories that hold us. Her mother was the kindest woman I ever met I saw how strong she was supporting her family house to house over the years and never gave up even when times got hard she kept a smile on her face and inspired many to follow their hearts. Last year I lost my grandma she was my guardian she raised my sister and I from the time we could talk her name was Lucille Palmer she always told me to look to god when times got hard and I used to get so irritated with her whenever I was sad and she would bring out the bible, and I would get mad cause I just wanted her to hold me not recite verses to me. If you ever met her you would know she was the strongest person you could know she raised six kids on her own and then raised my sister and I. We used to move from house to house all the time that's why Iv'e been to so many schools it's because we could never afford our house. But in the end she came to stay with my aunt in Santa Cruz and towards the end of her life she kept telling me how she just wanted to get us all house so we could live in peace for once. But before we ever did she died one day when I was at school my cousin and I waited in front of the school talking mindlessly oblivious to what was going on until my aunt came out of the van with bloodshot eyes. For days I was in a blur that I couldn't escape I just kept telling myself she's on vacation in Groveland thinking I would see her in a little while but she never came. A month later I had a dream about her that still haunts me to this very day I stood in a desert looking at her it was scorching hot but there she was bleeding form her eyes and told me every time I cry she bled cause I wouldn't let her go. That haunted me for days and I tried not to cry I bottled every emotion I had until a couple weeks later I sat on a bench next to the band room with my best friend Lily and lost everything I think it was the first time I truly let her go. Though we walk in the dark there's always someone next to you with a flashlight ready to guide you and that person to me is Lily Brown she's the one person I would give my life for and without her I wouldn't still be here today. So next time you see your best friend give them the biggest hug cause they really love you.

I Went To Live Deliberately

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die Discover that I had not lived.”  David Thoreau

 What does it mean to live deliberately? does it mean to observe your surroundings and learn all you can from them. With a changing society were told consistently to live a certain way, everywhere you go there are adds telling you "you need this", or cell phones blocking your intellectual well being. Always remember we only have one life don't let someone tell you how to live it, your time is precious. Live the way you want to, if your dream is to go live in the middle of a forest, or on a boat in the depths of the ocean do it. When I read the novel Walden for the first time, David Thoreau became one of my hero's, this man was well educated and could have had a wealthy life, but instead he left his town to live in the middle of the woods and lived, an discovered what was important in life. He only had what he needed to stay alive nothing more, but he saw the way the animals lived,  the emotion of seasons changing, he truly lived deep and sucked the marrow of life and discovered what it meant to live deliberately. 

The Instrument Chooses You

For the past two days, my life has consisted of none stop music. Last night I went to a Celtic jam session, those are my favorite times of the week. When you have ten small pipe bagpipers playing all at once, all you want to do is tap your foot and play along. What amazes me about these sessions are the tunes, some of them have a haunting sound that lets you catch an ancient glimpse in time. When you listen to music from hundreds of years ago, it has a much different affect on people, you start to realize these melodies were sang from the soul. Everyone has their own song all you have to do is listen to your heart and play. We all have our soul instrument you just have to find it, people will ask "how will I know?", it's like Harry Potter where the wand chooses you, it's the same with an instrument.  

Music was my first love and it will be my last 

Do you ever glance into the tree's where the sun peers through the leaves, leaving traces of light behind you?. Or stare into the sky on a clear night when the stars embrace the sky, all smiling at the moon hoping to catch it's attention. Even in our modern world it's still possible to see the natural beauty living around us, sometimes all it takes is watching a leaf soar to the ground on a cool fall morning. When you open your mind to world around you, it may seem like a more magical place when you start to let your mind embrace the smallest things in life. We are all connected, it's up to the individual if their willing to close their eyes and embrace this new perspective.